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EVENTS CALENDAR
Man Laws
61 to 100 (the rest will follow)
61.
A man purse is still a purse.
62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a
member of the opposite sex.
63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to
support his team.
64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. this is punishable by
verbal abuse for life.
65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport.
66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed
to scream once.
67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.
68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression
shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts
alone.
69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with
another man.
70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it
involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following:
beer, food, sex.
71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.
72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible.
Besides, sharing is caring.
73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage
fridge. It is for beer only.
74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man
law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private.
Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a
"higher" man.
75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with
feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.
76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with
other men.
77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.
78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.
79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport,
and it is perfectly accepted to watch.
80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the
same area twice.
81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the
following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey.
82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment
that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that
animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are
monkeys.
83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless
beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non
liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.
84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television
remote to a female.
85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married.
86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides.
It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.
87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no
eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact
occurs, nod upwards, and look away.
88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power
tool to another man.
89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.
90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex
with her.
91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any
swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).
92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know
how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function
is determined (Eric Gartenberg).
93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk
unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones)
94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not
provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to
deny his very existence.
95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 24 hours.
96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down
in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had
the biggest rack you ever saw".
97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without
recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out
"bull****!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration is 400%)
98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5
minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator
is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.
100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car,
firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky"
are not applicable in this case.